Not Another Pokemon Spoof! 2: The UNSequel
by MegamanZero
Summary: Ash and Co. are on their way back to Pallet town after many hard months of doing...stuff. Well, not if Team Rocket has anything to say about it. (MISSPELLINGS IN SUMMARY REMEDIED)
1. Steal Pikachu? Don't Forget Your Bananas

Not Another Pokemon Spoof! 2: The UN-Sequel By MegamanZero Prologue: Steal Pikachu? Don't Forget Your Bananas!  
  
A/N: Yep, you guessed it. "Not Another Pokemon Spoof!" is back...only it's not. It isn't any more a sequel than an apple is an orange. I just wanted to use the name. Enjoy.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Pokemon. I don't own their characters. I DO own this story. I also own YOU.  
  
SURGIN' GEN'RAL'S WARNIN': A SMALL PERCENTAGE OF THOSE WHO BETA-READ THIS FIC EXPERIENCED SYMPTOMS THAT INCLUDED, BUT WERE NOT LIMITED TO; COMBUSTION OF EYEBALLS; HALITOSIS; LOSS OF THE WILL TO LIVE, ANAL LEAKAGE (That's an actual side effect listed on a certain drug. I'm dead serious.); GRAND MAL SEIZURES; AND, IN SOME CASES, MYSTERIOUS PREGNANCY (IN BOTH SEXES). READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.  
  
* * * *  
  
[We see a man in a black suit with creepy eyes and a face that disturbingly resembles Leonard Nemoy. His smile would make a clown cry. He is standing by a dirt road. It's a dark and stormy night, a cacophony of thunder and lighting echoing across the soaked landscape. Ok, I lied, it's a bright and sunny day with Beedrills buzzing and Pidgey's chirping and all that crap. But the black suit guy actually exists! Let's call him Bob the Narrator.]  
  
Bob the Narrator: And so, a new day begins for our young heroes as they trek onward towards their destination! What new adventures shall they face? What new friends or enemies shall they encounter? What—  
  
[Ash, Misty, and Brock (Pikachu and Togepy too. Can't forget the little scamps.) walk by.]  
  
Ash: So then I says to Gary, I says, "Oh YEAH!? Well you're a big stupid meanie poopoo-face!" And then he gave me this weird look and walked off. Hee hee, THAT showed him!  
  
Misty: [gives him a sidelong glance] Er...yeah, you really outwitted him that time, Ash.  
  
Ash: Didn't I, though? [cracks his knuckles]  
  
Brock: Er, guys? [points to B the N] It's that same guy we saw about five miles ago. He's doing that...talk-in-any-random-direction-as-if-someone-was- listening thing again.  
  
BTN: [talking as if he doesn't even notice they're about 5 feet away from him] What dangers shall they face? Will they find what they're looking for? Why can't I get a date?  
  
Ash: Ew...maybe if we keep walking, he might go away.  
  
Misty: Ash, that's what you said when we saw him in the canyons.  
  
Brock: Not to mention the mountains. [puts his finger up in a very Brocklike manner]  
  
Misty: And don't forget the burning---  
  
Ash: ALRIGHT, I GET IT! Hmm... [gets an evil grin on his face]  
  
Brock: [looks scared] Uh oh, I don't like that look in your eyes, Ash...  
  
[Ash begins to poke and prod B the N with a stick. B the N still keeps doing his narrating thing.]  
  
Brock: Oh, ASH, NOT AGAIN!  
  
Ash: HAHA! He's like one of those British guards who just stand there and never do anything when you poke them with a stick! [looks like he's having way too much fun]  
  
Misty: [slaps her forehead] Ash, the last time you poked one of those British guards with a stick you got a rifle butt to the nads!  
  
Ash: [stops abruptly, shudders] Ugh...don't remind me, Mist. I still can't pee right because of that!  
  
Brock: Wait...since WHEN did we go to Europe!?  
  
Misty: [makes a face] ...I really didn't need to know that, Ash. Well anyways, let's just...STOP POKING HIM, ASH----let's just keep walking.  
  
Ash: [sad] Phooey...just one more little poke?  
  
BTN: [still yabbering]  
  
Brock and Misty: NO.  
  
Pikachu: Pika pika chu chu pi! (I only got one line through this whole scene!)  
  
* * * *  
  
[Suddenly Bob the Narrator is in a different part of the woods for some reason. Coincidentally, Team Rocket are also in this part of the woods, scheming up diabolical conspiracies to be comic reliefs...I mean steal Pikahu.]  
  
Bob the Narrator: Meanwhile, in another part of the forest, our villains are hiding in the brush. What dastardly deeds could they be planning? Does it have something to do with Ash and his Pikachu?  
  
Meowth: I'll be plannin' a MOIDAH if dat guy doesn't quit appearin' outta nowhere like some kinda freakin' phantom o' da opera, I tell ya what.  
  
James: Well, it's not like this fellow can die. He dug himself out of one of our holes!  
  
Jesse: James...EVERYBODY digs themselves out of our holes.  
  
James: [looks hurt and betrayed] Jesse, how can you SAY something like that!? I'll have you know that I put my heart and soul into every hole we make!  
  
Meowth: Grrr if youse guys don't quitcha yabberin' I'm gonna put holes inta both'a ya HEADS!  
  
James: [whispers to Jesse] Hee hee, it looks like Meowth's speech classes were a waste of money.  
  
Meowth: I HOID DAT! And I do NOT have a speech impediment!  
  
James: [quickly] Sorry.  
  
Jesse: [sniggers immaturely] Heh, you really dug yourself into a HOLE that time, James.  
  
Meowth: ARRRGGHH ENUFF WIT DA HOLE JOKES!  
  
[Meowth violently slashes Jesse and James in the face. They just stand there, stunned as though they've just seen Bill Gates naked.  
  
Meowth: Okay, here's da plan...foist, we take deez GUNS---  
  
James: [interrupts, forgetting the deep gashes on his face] Whoa, hold it there! We can't use GUNS! [cheesy suspense music plays] (DUN DUN DUUUUN!) This fic is rated PG, for crying out loud!  
  
Meowth: Whaddaya MEAN we can't use GUNS!? (DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!)  
  
Jesse: He's right, Meowth. If we use GUNS (DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!) then the network censors will have our buns on a stick!  
  
James: [gulps] That's also true, Jesse...so it's settled, no GUNS. (DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!)  
  
[Everybody looks around, confused.]  
  
Jesse: Where in blazes is that music coming from?  
  
James: Beats me...  
  
Meowth: Well, what beats ME is how mah plan is gonna woik widdout GUNS? (DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!)  
  
James: Oh, silly Meowth. We don't need GUNS! (DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!) We can use...um...uh...  
  
[Jesse and Meowth look at him expectantly.]  
  
James: I'm THINKING!  
  
[The sound of a clock going "tick tock tick tock" can be heard.]  
  
James: Hold on, I've almost got it! It's on the tip of my tongue...  
  
[Meowth and Jesse are playing cards. After what seems to be hours, he finally..."gets it".]  
  
James: I'VE GOT IT!  
  
[The other two look up from their card game (Meowth was bluffing).]  
  
James: We could use...BANANAS!  
  
[They both give him blank looks.]  
  
Jesse: ...  
  
Meowth: ...bananas.  
  
James: Yeah, bananas! Those things REALLY HURT if you slip on them! And they attract MOSQUITOES. I HATE mosquitoes! Oh, and they burn like the dickens if you bite your tongue and get the banana mush in the cut!  
  
Meowth: [totally speechless]  
  
[Everybody's completely silent for a few minutes until Jesse finally finds her way out of the shellshock and speaks.]  
  
Jesse: ...let's just dig a hole.  
  
Meowth: Wright... [gives James another weird look before picking up a shovel]  
  
James: Aww...so...no banan---  
  
Meowth: SHADDUP WIT DA NANNERS!  
  
[And thus they begin their hard labor.]  
  
* * * *  
  
[Meanwhile, Ash and friends are walking...erm...shall we say...hobbling down the path, panting and sweating.]  
  
Ash: Whew...! What a (GASP) brisk (CHOKE) walk...(WHEEZE)! Such (COUGH) good (BREATHE) exercise!  
  
Brock: [can barely breathe] ARE...YOU...NUTS!?  
  
Misty: [panting and trying her best to get some air into her burning lungs] I don't...consider...being chased...by a pack of...rabid beedrills...EXERCISE! [gasps and nearly falls over]  
  
Ash: [caught his breath] Psh, please. Lord knows you could use the workout, Mist. You HAVE been getting a little fat around the edges...  
  
Misty: [gives him a shocked and horrified look] ...WHAT DID YOU SAY!?  
  
Ash: Er...I said "My hat is losing its edges!" Yeah, hat losing edges! Definitely. Definitely losing its edges.  
  
Misty: ...whatever, Rainman.  
  
Brock: [whispers to Ash] Nice save.  
  
Ash: [whispers back] Jeez, no kidding...  
  
Misty: [doesn't hear them] So is your mom prepared for our arrival Ash? I could really use some food and a nice hot shower.  
  
Ash: Are you KIDDING!? She practically BLACKMAILED me into eating the feast she's gonna make for us. Not that I'm complaining, though. Her food rocks!  
  
Brock: [stares dreamily] Her cooking isn't the only thing that rocks about her...  
  
[Ash gives him a look of pure horror and disgust.]  
  
Ash: EW! ICKY! GROSS! That's my MOM, Brock!  
  
Brock: Whaaaat? It's not MY fault your mom's hot.  
  
Ash: [clamps his ears shut] AAAGGH! MY VIRGIN EARS!  
  
Brock: [looks confusedly over at Misty] What's his problem? Why is it such a big deal that his mom's totally fine?  
  
Ash: [hands still slammed over ears] LALALALALALALALALALALA I CAN'T HEEEEAR YOOOOU!  
  
Misty: [just looks away] Ugh...MEN...  
  
[They continue walking down the road, with Brock still drooling over Ash's mom, Ash still trying to block himself from being traumatized, and Misty being all disgusted. What they DON'T know is that a nice big hole waits for them at the bottom of the hill...]  
  
* * * *  
  
[Team rocket has just finished digging the hole, and are now waiting in the bushes, hoping to claim their prize.]  
  
Meowth: Okay, wememba da plan! Once da twoips go splat in da hole, we use dis here fishin' line...[holds up a Super Rod]...and den we catch ourselves a big one! [starts to drool in anticipation]  
  
Jesse: Ooooh, toooo perfect, Meowth! Just like our last 132,235 times! But I've got a good feeling about this one!  
  
James: The boss might be so happy with us that we'll be rewarded with a year's supply of BANANAS!  
  
[Jesse and Meowth look like they're going to commit MOIDAH. On James.]  
  
James: ...right. Bananas. Shutting up about them. Right.  
  
[A far off giggling sound can be hoid...er...heard.]  
  
Meowth: Alrwright, shaddup you two. Hea dey come!  
  
[The giggling sound is getting closer. We can see where it's coming from.]  
  
Ash: Wheeeeeee!!  
  
Misty! Yaaaaaaaaay!!  
  
Brock: Yaaaaaahooooooooooooo!!!  
  
Pikachu: [on Ash's head] PiKAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! (Yeeeeaaaaaahhh!)  
  
Togepy: ZZzzzzzzzzzZZzzzzzz  
  
[Upon close inspection we realize that the group is running around in loop- de-loops for some odd reason.]  
  
Ash: Was I right, or was I RIGHT!?  
  
Misty: Hate to admit it, but you were right! Yiippeeeeeeeeeeeee!!  
  
Brock: Running around in figure eights is WAY more fun than just plain old walking! YaaaHAAAAAAAAA!!  
  
[Back to the bushes ahead.]  
  
Jesse: ...  
  
James: ...  
  
Meowth: ....[whispering loudly] what...da POKEBALL...are dey DOIN!?  
  
Jesse: [disgusted] Ugh, how stupid...how immature...how childish...how---  
  
James: TOTALLY AWESOME-LOOKING!  
  
[He just receives blank looks from the others.]  
  
James: Erm...I mean...PAH! What DEPLORABLE behavior. Hmph! [turns his nose up]  
  
Meowth: Ah well, it doesn' mattah. From da way dey're movin', I can tell dat dey're gonna coive wight inta our twap!  
  
Jesse: [just looks confused] ...what?  
  
James: "coive wight inta our twap"??  
  
Meowth: Rrrrr, dey're gonna fall in da HOLE! Jeez. Iz like ya guys have WAWTAHMELON in ya ears, er sumtin.  
  
James: [looks even more confused] "Wawta"—  
  
Meowth: IS DERE SUMTIN WRONG WIT DA WAY I TAWK!?  
  
James: [quickly] No! No no no no no! Of course not! What gave you THAT idea!? Heheheh... [looks over and helplessly mouths "TAWK!?" to Jesse.]  
  
Meowth: Okay okay! Dey're gettin' closa!  
  
[Ash and Co. are still running around in circles.]  
  
Meowth: Clossaa...  
  
[Still loop-de-looping.]  
  
Meowth: Just a liddle moooore...  
  
Bob the Narrator: Will Ash and friends fall victim to Team Rocket's cleverly-made trap? What kind of hilarities await our heroes at Pallet Town? Will Meowth ever reconsider taking speech classes? Find out on the next EXCITING chapter of "Not Another Pokemon Spoof! 2: The UN-Sequel"!  
  
James: ...he came back again.  
  
Meowth: [sighs, paws on forehead] I know, I KNOW.  
  
~END OF CHAPTER~ 


	2. Of Stalkers and Overprotective Mothers

Not Another Pokemon Spoof! 2: The UN-Sequel By MegamanZero Chapter 1: Of Stalkers and Overprotective Mothers  
  
* * * *  
  
[Back to Team Rocket and Ashy and friends, where it looks like they're going to fall into a hole...again!]  
  
Bob the Narrator: Last time, on "Not Another Pokemon Spoof! 2: The UN- Sequel", Team Rocket devised a most sinister plan to dig a hole and watch as Ash and Co. fall into it, and probably sprain something! Can our hapless heroes figure out what awaits them just mere yards away, or will they fall victim to th-EGEGEGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG!! [THUD]  
  
[Meowth mutters something about "lousy goodfernuddin" and pats his PokeTaser.]  
  
Jesse: [shifts nervously] You know, it's not really comforting that you can just zap people like that MeOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!! [falls in a very thudly fashion]  
  
Meowth: Eh, beats dullin' up mah claws. [slips his PokeTaser back in his...um...fur?]  
  
James: [tending to Jesse, who is currently twitching on the ground behind their bushes] Er, maybe you should stop shocking people for now, Meowth. The twerps might hear you!  
  
Meowth: Yea yea, I guess ya wight. [pulls out his PokeTaser one more time and shakes it threateningly] But don' tink you've seen da last o' da PokeTasah!  
  
James: [scared] Ok ok! I won't, I won't!  
  
[While Meowth threatens James' life with an electric defense weapon, Ash, Misty, and Brock are still running around in circles.]  
  
Ash: Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! [looping]  
  
Misty:Yaaaaaaaay. [looping as well]  
  
Togepy: ZZZZzzzZZZZ...prii prii....ZZZzzzz...  
  
Pikachu: PIIIKAAAAAAAAA!! (I think I'm gonna PUUUUUKE!)  
  
Brock: Whooohooooooooo—oh screw it. Ash, this is lame. Besides, I think I'm getting a little nauseous from all this spinning and --*URK*! Oh my...  
  
[Brock holds one hand to his stomach with the other on his mouth, and SPRINTS behind the nearest tree.]  
  
Brock: EXCUSEMEGUYSIGOTTADOSOMETHINGFORASECO---BLEAAAAARRRGGHH!  
  
[We hear more heaving and other nasty sounds as Ash and Misty skid to a halt and watch in a sort of trance.]  
  
Ash: Whooaa...  
  
Misty: Oh...[winces]....oh my...! [winces again, makes a face] I don't remember him eating onion! And what's tha—OH MY GOD. [turns green]  
  
[Brock emerges from behind the tree, with a fake smile on his face.]  
  
Brock: Hey guys, do you remember us eating anything that had onion and/or blood in it?  
  
[Ash and Misty look horrified, but pretend not to know what just happened. Brock is very...sensitive about his bodily functions.]  
  
Ash: Uh...not that I remember...[eyes shift around]  
  
Misty: [nervous] Er, why do you ask?  
  
Brock: [quickly, his voice cracks] No reason! Just...making...conversation...  
  
[They all walk normally down the hill in awkward silence.]  
  
[Meanwhile, James and Meowth are still watching from behind the bushes. Jesse is slowly regaining consciousness.]  
  
James: [blinks] Well that was...odd.  
  
Meowth: I'll saye...jeeze, how lawng doez it take ta walk down a friggin' HILL!? We've bin waitin' hea fer about...[checks his watch???] five whole minutes!!  
  
James: [trying very best not to look like he has no idea what the crap Meowth just said] Um...yes?  
  
Meowth: [doesn't notice (how convenient)] EXACTLY! Oooh—wait! Shaddup. Dey're so CLOSE! [almost drooling with glee]  
  
[The trio keep walking. They're moving closer...ever so closer to the rather obvious hole before them (though, have they ever been good at detecting TR traps?). Suddenly Ash SCREECHES TO A HALT RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE HOLE.]  
  
Ash: [SCREECHES]  
  
[Cue rimshot. *BADUM PSH*]  
  
Misty: ...Ash, why are you screaming like a horny Zubat? [looks like she's about ready to make a call to the loony bin]  
  
Brock: Aggghhh! Please Ash...no loud sounds...[clutches his head, as if afflicted by a splitting headache]  
  
Ash: Everybody STAND WHERE YOU ARE. [looks about in a very Solid Snake way] I sense a disturbance...in the Force...  
  
* * * *  
  
[CUE AWFUL TRANSITION OF SCENES.]  
  
Bob the Narrator: Meanwhile, in a dark room surrounded with TV screens and electronic equipment, somebody watches Ash and his friends very closely. In fact, this "somebody" has been watching them, especially Ash, for quite some time...  
  
Evil Voice from the Darkness: Ugh, YOU again!? I thought I upped my security systems! [pushes a random button]  
  
[A trap door immediately opens up underneath Bob the Narrator, sucking him down a long chute into a pit of Wind Waker haters!]  
  
Bob the Narrator: [falling] WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA---OOMPH! [thud] Ugh...[shakes his head]...where am I?  
  
[Suddenly, out of nowhere, two misinformed WW skeptics leap towards him!]  
  
Wind Waker Hater #1: Zelda!? More like...CEL-da! Hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk...  
  
Wind Waker Hater #2: The graphics are soooooo laaaaame blah blah blah blah blah...  
  
Bob the Narrator: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
[FLASH back to the Evil Voice from the Darkness!]  
  
[Scary Jenova music from FFVII plays. You know, that music that would go off every time Cloud would have an epiphany about Jenova or something? It was CREEPY.]  
  
EVFTD: Aaaash, my preeeeeeciousssss...soon you will be miiiiiiine.  
  
Another Voice: Hey, Duplica! Why are you still in that dark room with all those TV monitors? Are you still stalki---[flips on the light switch] GREAT BULBOUS POKEBALLS!  
  
[Music track skips and scratches.]  
  
[We see Duplica sitting at one of those swivel desk chairs, staring rather creepily at the multiple screens in front of her.]  
  
[The voice is recognized as Transformed Ditto...transformed as Duplica. Gets confusing when you think about it, really.]  
  
Ditto: What is all this...how did you...what are you...ARE YOU NAKED!?  
  
[We see for the first time that our fair Duplica is very much without clothes...don't worry, the chair blocks out everything.]  
  
Duplica: DITTOOOO! What did I say about knocking!?  
  
Ditto: [not paying attention to her previous question] Are you watching Ash IN THE NUDE!?  
  
Duplica: Erm...about that...well...uh...[looks around] it gets really hot in this room!  
  
Ditto: [opens mouth, then closes it when it notices the readout on the thermometer says "70"] Never mind. I'm not even going press the issue here. [tosses a very conveniently-placed towel at Duplica] However, I will press THIS. You. Clothes. Now.  
  
Duplica: Psh, ruin my Ashhappyfuntime, why don't you? [grumbles as she wraps the towel over her censored places]  
  
Ditto: How do you even have this footage of Ash? Did you put security cameras all around Kanto, or something!?  
  
Duplica: The last time I met them I very covertly placed tiny little spycams on them. [gives a big, maniacal grin] It helps that they wear the same clothes everyday.  
  
[It's REMINISCING TIME (flashback).]  
  
[Ash, Misty, and Brock are standing in front of Duplica.]  
  
Duplica: So...I guess this is goodbye, Ashy-boy.  
  
Ash: [shudders at the aforementioned nickname] Er, yeah. I guess it is...  
  
[Everybody stands around in awkward silence.]  
  
Ash: ...  
  
Misty: ...  
  
Brock: ...  
  
Duplica: ...HUTTAH!  
  
[With LIGHTNING SPEED, Duplica quickly slaps on a spycam on each of them!]  
  
Ash: ...uh, Duplica? What did you just –  
  
Duplica: NOTHING! You saw NOTHING!  
  
Ash: [eyes shift around] Right...[whispers to the others] guys, let's get out of here!  
  
[And they scampered off.]  
  
[A/N: Ok, chances are this NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENED. See, this is what happens when you stop watching the show after the 3rd season or whatever.]  
  
[FLASH BACK TO THE PRESENT.]  
  
Ditto: ...I see.  
  
* * * *  
  
[At the very same time, somebody is having trouble with the oven!]  
  
Delia (Ash's mom): AUGH! [screams and throws the now charred pot roast in a row into the trash bin] That's the THIRD TIME it's happened! Why won't this STUPID [kick] OVEN [kick] WORK!? [kick kick kick]  
  
[Camera pans over to Professor Oak, who is wearing a big white apron with "KICK THE COOK" written on it, and a picture of a little Corphish.]  
  
Proff. Oak: Er, Delia? The instructions say to put the roast in at 350 degrees Fahrenheit. [points to the oven] You have it set on Celsius. Kicking it several times probably doesn't help, either.  
  
Delia: [blinks, then acts all perky] Oh! Well then, I'll just have to make it better! Tee hee!  
  
Oak: ...I'll just be working on these potatoes. [starts peeling]  
  
Delia: [freezes] Wait, what did you just say?  
  
Oak: Potatoes. [holds out a half-peeled spud] You wanted me to prepare them.  
  
[Suddenly Delia goes into her Evil Mode, eyes going red and "Night On Bare Mountain" plays in the background, with plenty of thunder and lightning.]  
  
Evil Delia: POTATOES?? POTATOES!!?? I SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR YAMS! YAMS!!! DO THESE 'LOOK' LIKE YAMS!? DO THEY!? DO THEY!!?? NOW THE WHOLE FEAST IS RUINED AND IT'S ALL [smack] YOUR [smack again] FAULT! [third and final smack]  
  
Oak: [getting smacked] But –OW!- Delia –OUCH!- I wasn't the –OWIE!- one who got the groceries! It was that Mr. Mime of yours!  
  
[Music stops playing and everything reverts to normal.]  
  
Delia: ...buh? Are you saying that...MIMEY got the wrong ingredients!?  
  
Oak: I just helped him carry the groceries in, I swear!  
  
Delia: Oh... [gets all perky again] KAY!  
  
Oak: Whew...um...Delia?  
  
Delia: Yes?  
  
Oak: Could you please put me down?  
  
[Camera zooms outward to reveal that the fair Delia Ketchum is holding Professor Oak two feet in the air by his collar.]  
  
Delia: Oops, silly me!! Tee hee! [drops him with a thud]  
  
Oak: Ouch...[under his breath] I wish I could say this is the first time THIS has happened to me...this week...  
  
Delia: [trots out of the room] Now then...[cue scary music and all the perks] MIMEY!!! GET YOUR FAT, HOBO-CLOWN BUTT IN HERE 'RIGHT NOW'!!!  
  
* * * *  
  
Bob the Narrator: As the maniacal Mrs. Ketchum prepares for Ash's arrival, Ash and his friends are caught in quite the predicament!  
  
Ash: [finally just ignores B the N] So...which would you guys say, boxers or briefs?  
  
Misty: ASH! Don't you remember why you just suddenly stopped us for no reason?? [adds under her breath] Boxers, by the way...  
  
Ash: Huhwha? Oh yeah...AHEM...I sense a disturbance in the Force...  
  
Brock: Are you sure it isn't just gas?  
  
[Rimshot: BADUM PSH.]  
  
[Everybody looks around all confuzzled.]  
  
Ash: One of these days I'll have to figure out where that sound is coming from...[scratches his head] Now where was I...? Oh yeah! Guys, I think there's a trap right in front of us. And if I'm not mistaken...[pats down on the ground below him, causing the trap to cave in and fall into the earth beneath] it's one of Team Rocket's holes again.  
  
[Suddenly we hear a lot of swearing and some kind of electric zapping and muffled screaming in the nearby bushes.]  
  
Ash: Uh...anyways, whaddaya guys say we just mosey on around this hole and get home? I'm starving!! MAN, that bush has a dirty mouth...  
  
Misty: [sighs] Your mom really has a knack for cooking, Ash...ok, lets go!  
  
Brock: Ooooh....guys...don't even mention food around me...my stomach hurts sooo baaa—URK!  
  
[Brock, no longer bothering to hide it, bolts over to the side of the pathway and blows chunks...RIGHT into the very same bushes where Team Rocket is hiding. Misty and Ash just stand there and watch again. Pikachu and Togepy are mercifully fast asleep.]  
  
Misty: Oh my...not aga---wait, is that PEANUT in there!?  
  
Ash: Sweet Jebus...that's just...oh my...oh God...what did that guy eat...AUGH! [eyes widen in horror]  
  
* * * *  
  
[ANOTHER BAD TRANSITION]  
  
[Duplica is now in the process of eating her lunch...or what she really hopes will be a decent lunch...]  
  
Duplica: *sigh*...ramen again...[pokes it with her chopsticks] And it's a little al dente too...oh well... [begins to feast on the disgusting crunchy ramen]  
  
Ditto: [walks in the kitchen] HAH! I SO kicked that guy's BUTT in Unreal Tournament! Hey Duplica! Come check out my high score and...oh dear...  
  
[Ditto walks in to see Duplica sobbing silently over her bowl of undercooked ramen.]  
  
Duplica: *sniff* I just *sniff* realized it...*sniff* I'm going...*sniff...to die...alone...*sniff*  
  
Ditto: Er, Duplica...are you alright?  
  
[Duplica suddenly leaps from her seat and grabs Ditto by the shoulders.]  
  
Duplica: Ditto! I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to answer me truthfully!!  
  
Ditto: Uh...I guess—  
  
Duplica: Do I scare you?  
  
[There's an awkward silence so uncomfortable that even the author shifts nervously about in his chair.]  
  
Ditto: Do you...scare...me? Uh...I don't...  
  
Duplica: JUST ANSWER ME!! [starts shaking Ditto really hard and rather violently]  
  
Ditto: Whoa, jeeze! Alright, you wanna know the truth!? You REALLY wanna know the TRUTH!? Well HERE IT IS!! YOU...DUPLICA IMITE...REALLY SCARE THE.--- [pauses when it notices the utterly broken look on Duplica's face] Uh...that is...um...LOOK, A BIRD!  
  
[That does it for Duplica as she starts bawling like a baby on an overcrowded bus.]  
  
Duplica: WAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Ditto: [in between sobs] Oh...Duplica I...I didn't mean...I'm really...it was stupid of me to...  
  
Duplica: NO! DON'T LIE TO MEEEEEE! IT'S TRUE!! I'M HORRIFYING!! I'M HIDEOUS. I'M...[a huge sob wracks her body] COMPLETELY UNLOVABLE!!!!! [her bawling crescendos to unbelievable levels]  
  
[Her loud sobbing and crying and weeping continues to go on for quite a while, with Ditto looking around nervously and generally looking like she has no idea what the crap to do. Then, without warning, Duplica's crying game (hahahaha) abruptly stops.]  
  
Duplica: I'VE GOT IT!!  
  
Ditto: ...I hope what you "got" was your marbles back.  
  
Duplica: [ignoring Ditto] It's so PERFECT! I'll just have to go SEE HIM! [giggles insanely] See him for MYSELF!! Yes, yes...then...only THEN...will I TRULY know if I'm a lovable girl or not!!  
  
Ditto: Duplica...you're scaring me.  
  
Duplica: Only THEN shall I know the TRUUUUUTH!!! [thunder claps and lightning strikes and a bloodcurdling dungeon scream is heard off in the distance] [then she points at Ditto] YOU.  
  
Ditto: [weak voice] ...me?  
  
Duplica: Yes, YOU! YOU will help me get to him! Oh yes. YOU will provide me transport to Pallet Town!!  
  
Ditto: [looks around] Uh, Duplica?? In case you haven't noticed, I ain't a jet. Pallet Town is a good couple hundred miles away.  
  
Duplica: Ditto...sweet Ditto...sweet, misinformed Ditto...have you forgotten that, while you certainly aren't a jet...you could...[cue evil laugh] BECOME A JET!? Or better yet...A PIGEOT!  
  
Ditto: What the!? You aren't really suggesting...that I...that we...no, you're crazy.  
  
Duplica: Crazy...LIKE A FOX!  
  
Ditto: Duplica, there's NO WAY I'm going to carry your lousy butt all the way over to Pallet Town on my back or in my claws! You've gotta be kidding!  
  
Duplica: Kidding...LIKE A FO—Er, wait, that doesn't work. What I meant to say was...[scary music plays and more thunder and lighting and screaming] YOU SHALL OBEY ME, PEON!  
  
Ditto: I think this is the part where I say "Eep"!  
  
Duplica: Now then...TRANSFORM INTO A PIGEOT, AND LET MY TREK OF LOVE BEGIN!  
  
Ditto: *sigh* If you insist. [glows white and morphs into a giant, purdy Pigeot] Ok, let's roll...er...fly. But, you might wanna bring a sweater or something, because high altitude + extreme wind chill factor = Duplicasicle. Not to mention you might get a little woozy due to the lack of oxygen.  
  
Duplica: [mounts Ditto/Pigeot] HAH! I do not NEED such petty garments, for I am on a mission of LOVE! My burning desire for Ashy-sweetums will keep me good and warm! Now, FLY MONKIIIIES, FLLYYYYYYYYYEEEE!!!  
  
Ditto: ... [silence]  
  
Duplica: Sorry, I've always wanted to do that. Hee hee! NOW then, get to flying before I start plucking your feathers out!  
  
Ditto: YES MA'AM! [rockets through the ceiling and shatters through it]  
  
[Sound effects: CRRRUNNNCHHH!!]  
  
Duplica: AAAAAASSSHHHHH!!! I'M COOOOMIIIING FOOOOR YOOOOOOOOOOUUU!!!  
  
Bob the Narrator: Hoo boy, Duplica is on the proverbial warpath of love and Ash's mom is revealed to be bipolar and excessively violent psychopath! What other horrors will insue? Find out next on another exciting chapter of..."NOT ANOTHER POKEMON SPOOF! 2: THE UN-SEQUEL"!!  
  
[END OF CHAPTER]  
  
* * * *  
  
Closing Comments: Man, that was a fun chapter to make. More on the way. 


End file.
